The Red Renegade
by The Scarlet Venus
Summary: An abridged version of the Reaper War with the red-haired Shepard: a renegade soldier with a thirst for blood, violence, and sex. Join her as she and her crew fight every threat against the galaxy, with the moments in-between full of rough-and-tumble teamwork and illicent sexual encounters. WARNING: contains graphic violence, language, and NSFW content in most chapters. R R & enjoy
1. That Special Someone

**MASS EFFECT: THE RED RENEGADE**

This is an abridged retelling of the Mass Effect series and my red-haired devil-woman Shepard: a renegade solder with a thirst for blood and sex-sometimes at the same time. Warning: will contain graphic language and lemony chapters. This is the Mass Effect story I wanted to play when I made my first Shepard: a heartless, sexual renegade with a smart mouth and an itch she needs scratched. I hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Shepard/EVERYBODY!

**CHAPTER ONE: THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE**

"Well…what about Shepard?" Counselor Udina said, looking down at his data pad.

Captain Anderson and Admiral Hackett, at the other end of the conference table, both paused, looking at Udina with a mixture of shock and fear. Anderson's hand had stopped in mid-drink and Hackett's pen fell out of his limp hand.

Anderson seemed to shrink inside himself at the very mention of the name. "Shepard? SHEPARD?! That gun-crazy, blood-thirsty, foul-mouthed, heartless renegade, psychotic nymphomaniac _bitch_?" He downed his drink-a pre-war Earth Scotch over thirty years old-in a single gulp. He had planned on savoring it for hours.

Hackett was more tactful. "The only thing we know about Shepard is that she came from Earth and grew up on the streets of Boston, though there are reports of her bouncing around the world: Rio, Tokyo, Bombay and even some mud hut village in the middle of Africa where, at the age of fifteen, she-I shit you not-led a team of spear wielding cannibals to overthrow a rival tribe. She ran at the head of the charge bare-ass naked, covered in war paint made from the blood, shit, and semen of enemy combatants. She faced against an army of six thousand armed Rebels with modern ordinance."

"I see." Uduna murmured, "A crushing defeat?"

Anderson snorted and poured another drink, "The Rebels didn't stand a chance. She can fight a Krogan blow for blow and then fuck the Krogan's mother just for spite. She has the violent tenacity of a Thresher Maw and the sexual appetite of an Ardat-Yakshi. She'll fuck anything and I do mean _anything_. She can suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she'll hit on anything that moves regardless of gender or race and often in spite of her prey's sexual identity. There isn't a sexual thrill she hasn't conquered or a serviceman or woman she can't bring into her bed."

Admiral Hackett lifted an eyebrow in curiosity. "You've know her for years. Did you…?"

Anderson only had a dark look cross his face and nodded curtly. "She's rude. She hates authority, which is ironic because she demands it from those in her command. She can snipe a flea off a Varren's ass from a thousand yards away with a shotgun. She can drive anything if you can motorize it. She is absolutely remorseless in battle: her tactics are brilliant, her command is irresistible, and her loyalty is without question. She draws people to her command like a black hole and she fights with the fury of a Krogan charge and is twice as deadly. She's not a woman, she's an unstoppable force of nature and I suspect before she dies that she'll leave this universe in flaming ruins."

A long, tense moment of silence passed between the three men. They looked at one another, unspoken uncertainty and disbelief crossing their faces.

Admiral Hackett spoke first, "Is that the sort of woman we want protecting the galaxy?"

Anderson scoffed and down another scotch, "That may be the only kind of woman who _can_ protect the galaxy. Who else could face the uncertainty of this universe and stare it down like a dog?"

Another moment of silence passed before Udina finally said, "I'll make the call."

Shakedown run. Really? Shepard had never bought a lot of bullshit in her time, so why start now? She didn't like the need-to-know basis that most military intelligence was handled, though she practiced it effectively herself. More or less, she wanted to know everything. Not knowing something got you killed because when you're told you're going on patrol and it means they really want you to sniff out a nest of Krogan mercs. Shepard didn't like surprises. You never know when a surprise is bulletproof or not. Surprises might need heavy ordinance unloaded on them.

Heavy ordinance was like an Asari whore: she'd rather have one and use it frequently regardless of the situation.

Presently, she marched through the interior of the SSV Normandy, the ship under which she served. No particular reason, she just liked to keep busy in-between her bouts of exercise, combat training, and that last guy she fucked…er, what's-is-name…some asshole. It didn't matter, it hadn't been memorable. She hadn't even gotten off; had to kick him out and finish the job herself. Like most things in her life, if she didn't do it, it didn't get done. Every time she thought she was desensitized to sexual activity, something stirred her honey pot again.

She was about to stir her honey pot again. Had a funny itch she wanted to scratch and break in that new Pilot.

She paused as she rounded the corner and found Executive Officer Presley and one of the marines holding the wall in place, as was _not_ their job. They snapped to attention when they saw her. "Commander!" They said in unison.

"Boys." She never called anyone by their title. They had to earn her respect first, which usually meant they had to fight hard and fuck harder. There were very few people she genuinely respected: neither of these guys fit the bill.

"Commander, is it true?" The marine asked.

Shepard grimaced. Was what true? Who was this guy anyway? She stabbed her finger at him and narrowed her eyes with a tilt of her head. He looked familiar, "Er…"

The marine caught on quick. "Jenkins, ma'am."

Jenkins! That was him. The asshole she'd fucked earlier who couldn't get her off. "Right, right. Sorry, it gets hard to tell you jarhead motherfuckers apart." She said, "And whatever you've heard is likely a rumor and has no bearing on the truth. I suggest you two housewives stop licking each other's cunts and get back to doing something productive."

Presley immediately ran off, but Jenkins lingered and approached her, speaking in a low tone of voice, "Er, Commander, I wanted to thank you for letting me…you know…"

"What? Fuck me?" Shepard snorted, "Don't be, I do it to everyone. And you might want to work on your endurance. Thirty-four minutes might pass muster with the rest of the wet pussy in the universe, but not me. Next time, I'd better get an hour out of you at least."

Jenkins blanched. "An hour? Seriously?"

"I'll shove your Omni-tool in your ass as you fly out the airlock, I shit you not." Shepard growled. "My bed can be a fucking dream factory, but if you can't fight hard and fuck harder, I don't have a use for you, understand? Work on your endurance! And for fuck's sake, study a vid or something, know how to get a woman off! I wasn't even close."

Jenkins blushed and cleared his throat, but saluted. "I'll do my best, ma'am. I'm sorry, but you're just…you're a _beast_ in the sack."

Shepard chuckled. Yeah, that described her pretty well. If she couldn't shoot it or fuck it, she didn't need it. And since she wasn't shooting anything, she had to fill her time with lots of the other. She tossed a casual look sideways and found the Normandy crew within earshot all staring at the two of them. As if it were some kind of _surprise_. She recognized at least two faces who had been in Jenkins shoes before.

"The fuck are _YOU _ASSHOLES STARING AT?" She snapped.

Every head snapped back around and immediately pretended to go back to work. She scoffed. Pussies, the whole lot of them. As if this were some kind of surprise. Her promiscuity was legendary, especially aboard the Normandy. There was a cock she hadn't sucked or a twat she hadn't tribbed. She lived off it, like mother's milk. It was just a part of serving under her. Some people enjoyed her, others were indifferent, and then a lot of them did it once and didn't care to repeat the experience. And why would they? She was strong, independent, and knew what she liked. Lots of people were threatened by that. Thinking she would lie down in bed and do as she was told. No one dominated her like a bitch unless she allowed it and even then not for long. She swore she should have been born a man and born in the middle-ages where she could have been screaming into a battlefield like the hard fucking warrior she was.

All this compacted into the average fame of a woman with short, fiery red hair.

She stalked off back down the galley and towards the cockpit, ironically her least favorite part of the ship. She always felt that if her ship crashed into something, the last place she'd want to be is the very nose of the needle-like spacecraft so she could have no chance of survival. She hated being up here and she hated not having a windshield even more.

She passed Nihlus, the Spectre, on her way to the cockpit, but paid him no mind. She didn't want him to know that she felt intimidated by him. He was a _Spectre!_ The baddest of the bad, the kick ass motherfuckers who took no shit. She wished they took humans into their ranks, she'd have jumped on that. The N7 training was some weak-ass shit, in her opinion. Plus…_Turian_!

She was what they called "Tur-Curious". Her sexual exploits were the kind of thing that would have filled volumes. She had swallowed her first cock at twelve, rode her first one at thirteen, been in her first three-way at thirteen-and-a-half, her first gangbang at fourteen, her first lesbian experience was close to fifteen, but her first lesbian orgy was her sweet fifteen present. At sixteen, she had jumped ship, so to speak, to alien species and she had torn up more Asari pussy than the entirety of the Alliance on shore leave for a month on Thessia. But something about those hard scales and barely emoting face held her back. She had seen a lot of Turian/human porn and she was starting to get itchy.

She paused at the cockpit, standing still for a moment, feeling as if she were being watched, then shrugged it off and heard her new Pilot-Joker, they called him-stirring the shit with Kaiden.

"_Oh, Kaiden." _She thought, _"You gorgeous, fine-ass motherfucker."_

She had conquered Kaiden pretty quick and he was the most reliable gun and cock she had in her command. He used Biotics like an Asari dancer used her tits and he was twice as good in bed. He was one of the few people she would lay down and _beg_ for. And right now, he was cock-blocking her.

"Spectres are trouble." Joker said, "Having one on board is going to make things more complicated. I guarentee you we're in for trouble."

"Then it's a good thing we have a Specter _and_ the Commander on board." Kaiden said, "Spectre's are trained for trouble and the Commander especially loves trouble." Kaiden tossed a look over his shoulder, "Don't you, Commander?"

Shep tossed him a smile, the kind she only shared with him. "You know it, Kai. Say, you look like you're about to get one of your migraines again. Better go lay down."

Joker tossed a look at Kaiden, who pinched the bridge of his nose, "What? You look fine."

"Actually, I feel a headache coming on." Kaiden said, getting out of his seat. "Probably from talking to you for so long. See ya later, Joker."

"Seriously?" Joker asked.

"When the Commander tells me to take a nap, I take a nap." Kaiden said and with that he left the cockpit and closed the door behind him. Shepard smiled. He knew her so well. That's one reason she adored him so much.

"Commander." Joker said with a salute. He feigned disinterest in her presence, fingers flying over the controls. In truth, she could see how tense he was. She knew that he knew. He knew the rumors that went around about her, the ones that preceded her presence. He was probably thinking if she was there to flirt with him or scope him out.

He had every right to believe that.

"Jeff, huh?" She asked.

"Yeah, Jeff. Uh, don't have to call me that, though. Why, what's your name?" He asked.

"Not sure I remember." Shepard said, "Never really used it. Everyone just calls me Shepard anyway, so if you don't feel like calling me by rank, there you go."

"Shepard it is." Joker said with a grin, "Anything I can help you with?"

"Yes." Shepard said, moving to stand next to him. "And it involves me helping you first. Move your chair back."

"What?" Joker cried, "I have to pilot the ship!"

"Put the auto-pilot on, it's another couple of hours before we hit Eden Prime. I don't need that long." She watched as he moved the chair back and then promptly squeezed herself in front of him, squatting down so that she was even with the front of his pants. "Read about you, Joker. Best Pilot in the Fleet. I like hearing that you're the best. I'm the best, too."

"Commander Shepard, seriously, I _have_ heard about this part of serving under your command, but you really don't have to do this." Joker said nervously. "Besides, it makes things between us really awkward, it'll be like taking orders from an ex-girlfriend."

"Shut the fuck up!" Shepard snapped, her hands fumbling with his fly, "What do you work for? A 24 hour news channel that you can't shut your fucking mouth? And what's with that beard, are you mighty fucking Thor or something? Well, Thor, let me see your mighty hammer, heh!"

"That was a low blow." Joker said, swallowing hard.

Shepard gave him an unimpressed look-a scowl and a sneer both at once-and said, "No, _this_ is a low blow." She finally fished his pecker out and immediately went down on him. Joker gasped. This bitch was _crazy_! Going down on him while he was flying was just downright stupid and yet he hadn't had a solid date since flight school, so there was no chance he was saying 'no' to this. They joked in fight school that Commander Shepard was the template from which all whores and sluts were made, but he figured it was hearsay.

Not so. Though the prowess of her talented mouth was apparently _not_ exaggerated, in any event.

It had been a long time for Joker and the Commander, thankfully, was a very pretty lady with a very hot, wet mouth and within moments he twitched, groaned, and blew his load. He shouldn't have been surprised, given the Commander's unscrupulous reputation, that she held it there and swallowed every drop.

Joker sighed and relaxed back, trying to contemplate what he had just been through and the regulations he had just broken-most of which would get him court-martialed and drummed out dishonorably, when she lifted her head and said, "At attention, soldier!"

"What?" Joker whined, "But I _just-"_

"You just knocked down the warm-up climax." Shepard barked, "Don't worry, I can get it up again. That's practically my super-power." She took him back in her mouth and within a few moments of twitchy and awkward groaning, Joker was at attention again.

Shepard stood up and wrestled with her belt, unbuckling and whipping her pants down with practiced ease. She had a well-trimmed patch of red hair and turned around to show Joker her finely toned ass in all it's round glory. With her hands on the console, she lowered herself down onto Joker, who groaned as his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

She rode him, not too gently, but not to hard either. Now was not the time or place to go fucking nuts on her Pilot. That was best saved for a night shift when there were no pressing missions or staff lingering around. But this wasn't just a quickie, it was an investment on future loyalty.

"C'mon, Jeff. Fuck it!" She said, though she was the one doing most of the work, pumping her ass up and down on his lap, riding him on his Pilot's chair. He couldn't take his eyes off her ass, it was just about the most perfect ass he had ever seen and now he was close enough to grab it with both hands and help her ride up and down on his cock.

Gods, what a woman!

"S-shepard!" He grunted, "I'm gonna…"

"Do it, Joker!" She commander, "Cum inside me. I want it." Not true. She generally liked swallowing, but boys were boys and they didn't feel like men unless their women were begging to be impregnated. Whatever. That wouldn't happen here. She made sure of that.

He tensed and grunted and Shepard let him have his little moment of afterglow before picking herself up and putting her pants back in place. She eyed Joker, who was fumbling to get his limp little ship back into dry dock. She reached down and tilted his head up and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. Stunned, Joker sat there, too shocked for words.

Shepard moved back, her husky voice in his ear, "Every time you scoop us up safely after a misson, you get the mouth. Get your ass over in a hurry when I call you, and you get the pussy-in the bed, too. Save my life, Joker, and you can get me for a whole night and whatever you want. Get me?"

Joker gulped and nodded. "Yes, ma'am. Got it."

Shepard nodded and climbed off Joker's lap. As she went to leave the cockpit, she heard him say, "You know…saying 'pretty please' would have worked, too."

Shepard smiled. He was a smartass.

She liked him.


	2. A Pre-mission Tryst

The Red Renegade

Chapter Two: "A Pre-Mission Tryst"

"This is a defining moment for your species, Captain." Nihlus said as he and Captain Anderson shared the war room together.

"I should imagine so." Anderson said, "I was in the same place twenty years ago. I had the chance to be the first human Spectre. If it weren't for Saren…"

"Saren's a pile of Krogan shit." Nihlus remarked, "But he's a perfect Spectre. We're not treading old ground today, Captain. Where is the Commander? We're almost to Eden Prime."

"_Ahem_." Anderson cleared his throat. He was well aware of Shepard's customary pre-mission tryst, but thought better of mentioning it. She and the Commander, well, they had been lovers before. It was difficult for Anderson to dwell on. Shepard was not just his protégé, she was like a daughter to him. He had found her, raised her, trained her, directed her violent and psychopathic tendencies into a military career instead of letting her go off to become queen-empress of the space mercs.

But that closeness came with a price. She had been sexually active at 12 and had chosen him to be her first. Saying 'no' to a 12 year old was easy. Saying 'no' to a 12 year old with C-cups who could kill him if she'd wanted to was another matter. He indulged in her lust and that spark set fire to the raging inferno she called a libido. He'd had her on and off over the years, but as her appetite became more "adventurous", he lost his taste for her.

Especially when she called him 'daddy' during their sex. It was creepy. She liked it, loved the taboo feeling of it. If she really were his daughter, it would not have stopped her. She recognized his discomfort with their dwindling relationship and rarely pushed herself on him. Still, on certain nights or specific anniversaries of things that meant something to only her, she would ask for him.

He was the only person she asked nicely for sex. He was gracious enough to give it to her. After all, he still loved her like a daughter. And, well, it kept him from getting too lonely during his service. Plus, he didn't have to try so hard on shore leave to find a way to relax and score some pussy. He didn't have to hit up a bar and buy an Asari stripper five hundred credits worth of drinks to get her in bed. Hell, if he asked nice enough, Shepard would buy a harem and bring them back for them to play with.

"She likes to blow off her tension before a mission. Keeps her from being distracted _during _a mission. Trust me, let her blow off all she wants."

"Blow it all, baby!" Shepard cried, feeling Kaiden ramming her backdoor as hard as he could. He grunted and she felt his release inside her. That sweet warmth never failed to send chills and sweet relief through every nerve in her body.

Kaiden grunted as he pulled out, "Shit, Commander. Drained me again."

"It's my specialty, Kai." Shepard sighed, sliding down to sit on the edge of his bunk. She reached out and grabbed a bottle of Batarian Liquor and downed it in a single chug, belching and tossing the bottle away. As Kaiden passed her, she reached out and smacked his bare ass with her palm.

Kaiden grinned, "You're a real lady, Shep. You know that?"

Shepard belched again, "Fuckin' right I am. Goddamn, Kai, I feel like you're the only man in the universe who can get my rocks off just right. I outta marry you,, you gorgeous motherfucker."

"Thanks, Shep," Kaiden grinned, "but I doubt you could stand the monogamy of marriage. You'd be blowing the best man and fingering the flower girl before you could toss the bouquet. Besides, variety is the spice of life. You seem suited to the poly-amorous lifestyle, so keep at it."

"Ah, ya fuggin jackass." Shep said, standing up and scratching her armpits, "Fine, fine. Well, we got a mission coming up, so we might as well get dressed. Look, I'm still a little…_itchy_, so I'm thinking this fuckin' "shakedown run" might be the perfect opportunity for something special. I was thinking of aTriple M."

Kaiden's eyebrows raised as he paused suiting up his armor, "A Mid-Mission Ménage? Where are we gonna find a third party?"

Shepard shrugged on her N7 jet black armor, "It's Eden Prime, so I'm sure we can find some wayward Asari pussy floating around: a maiden just off Thessia or maybe a bored corpsman looking for some action. Don't worry, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's finding a willing fucktoy. You swing both ways, so it shouldn't matter what we find."

"Whatever you say, Commander." Kaiden grinned. His relationship with Commander Shepard was a unique one. Like most of the enlisted marines that crossed Shepard's path, He had found himself in her bed within hours of meeting her. But unlike a lot of the men and women, who gave Shepard a night of short lived pleasure, Kaiden had proven to be a man of exceptional endurance and had a talent for tweaking the Commander in just the right way that made her gush and scream. He'd had every hole on her and vice-versa. He was as close to a regular boyfriend as she seemingly had ever had.

And she liked him. He was a good-looking, charming, a damn fine soldier and Biotic, and he had the equipment that made her shriek like a she-devil. And he liked her: she was assertive, authorative, and had the kind of curves that would make a man splooge if she wore a full-length dress and granny bloomers. Her voracious sexual appetite kept Kaiden on guard, looking for her at any corner, expecting her lips or fingers to meet him at any given time.

She snapped the last of her armor into place. "Alright, you fine-ass bitch." She said, "I gotta meet Cap and the Spectre. Keep your sweet ass ready for a Triple M, okay?"

"Commander, I haven't had a dry dick since I met you. I'm always up for whatever you bring my way."

"Damn right." She said, giving his ass a pinch before she left.

Shepard jogged lightly across the ship and into the war room, where she came up to Captain Anderson and the Turian Spectre, Nihlus.

"What's up, fuckers?" She asked.

Anderson ignored her boorish behavior, while Nihlus merely clicked his mandibles in thought. Anderson tucked his arms behind his back. "Commander, this is Nihlus, a Counsel Spectre."

Nihlus nodded, "And you're the infamous Commander Shepard. Er, Apologies, what was your first name?"

Shepard shrugged, "Eh, never use it, so why bother. Just call me Shep."

"Commander, it's time we let you in on the real purpose of this mission. As I'm sure you're suspecting, this isn't a shakedown run."

"No fucking shit, Cap." Shepard scoffed, "Sending the Normandy on a shakedown run makes about as much sense as sending a Vorcha to critique a Hanar poetry recital. So what the real shit here?"

"You're being considered as a candidate for the Spectres." Anderson replied, "It's a big opportunity for the humans on the political scene. Spectres are the best of the best."

"No they aren't." Shepard said coldly, "Because I haven't joined them yet. So what's the skinny on this? Do I fill out an application? Piss in a cup? I hope having venereal diseases doesn't disqualify me. I mean, I get them cured, but they tend to pop up when I least expect it: Crotch Rot, Crabs, Warts, the Clap, Shink, Pus Puss, Crazy Nits, Vagarrhea, Scale Itch, Fireshits, and Krogan AIDS, which Dr. Chakwas swears didn't exist until I caught it."

Nihlus cleared his throat uncomfortably, "A lot of it will depend on-"

Suddenly, Joker's voice crackled over the intercom, _"Uh, Captain, we have an incoming emergency transmission from Eden Prime. I think you'd better see this."_

"Put it on screen." Anderson ordered.

The three of them watched as the screen in the war room came alive with gunfire and men screaming. Shepard's heart threatened the thump out of her rib cage. Gunfire and screaming was a frequent aphrodisiac of hers. But she shook her head back into the real world as the camera, focused on the soldiers gaping at something off-screen, swung around and focused on a robotic monster descending from the sky in a storm of lightning and fire before the screen cut out.

"_That's all there is, Captain."_ Joker said, _"Nothing else."_

"_Go back to 1:29." Anderson ordered._

_Together, the three of them stared at the mysterious ship descending from the sky: a purple monstrosity that dwarfed the buildings on Eden Prime. It seemed to call out to Shepard, mock her with it's presence. It was a daunting foe, but she wanted nothing more than to haul out the biggest gun she could and fuck this thing back to extinction._

"_Well, Commander, looks like it's trial by fire." Anderson said._

"_I've been fighting everyone and everything in sight since I was born." Shepard said, "I think I can handle a giant fuckin' robot tentacle monster. Hell, it might even be fun."_

_Nihlus gaped at Shepard's audacity, but Anderson smiled, "Only you, Commander. Only you."_

"_Goddamn right." Shepard said, "Let me grab my armament and shove my sweet ass out the airlock. I'll meet you in the hangar for the air drop."_

_Shepard ran out of the war room and back to the barracks. She kicked open the door and found Kaiden and Jenkins inside. "You two! Suit up! We're going in hot and cocked! It's time to fuck shit up!"_


	3. Bloodshed & Bitches

**THE RED RENEGADE**

**CHAPTER THREE: Bloodshed & Bitches**

Captain Anderson met with Commander Shepard, Kaiden, and Jenkins in the drop bay at the end of the cargo hold in the Normandy. There, a tracking magnetic field that was honed onto a powerful magnet set into the back of their armor would slowly lower them to the ground below-or pick them up in a hurry.

"Let's get this fucking bitch off and going!" Shepard said, "I'm getting wet just thinking about putting a bullet in this motherfucker!"

Anderson took her in stride, as he always did. "We can't get to our main objective a the dig site, so we'll drop you off at the outskirts and you'll hoof it on foot the rest of the way."

"What about civilians?" Kaiden asked. Shepard's heart purred in her chest. Only Kai could say something so pussified and yet still seem like he had a set of balls on him. God, she was gonna fuck him so hard when they pulled the MMF later on.

"Civilian safety is a secondary objective. The dig site is your primary objective."

A looming shadow came up next to Shepard as the Spectre stepped up to the drop point near the edge of the ship.

"Nihlus, you coming with us?" Kaiden asked.

"I work faster on my own." Nihlus said, leaping over the edge and into the hot zone.

"Well, fuck you then, asshole!" Shepard cried, "Uppty cocksucker, we don't need you. Alright, Anderson, we got this. Anything else we need to know? You know, the kind of shit that could save my life?"

Anderson gave Shepard a shake of the hand and a pat on the shoulder, "You know everything I know, Shepard. Go down there and give em hell."

"Fucking right!" Shepard said, dashing over the side of the drop zone and letting herself be lowered to the ground. The tracking beam only had a distance of thirty to forty feet, so the Normandy still had to zip in low and slow to pick up or deploy troops.

Shepard felt the rush of fresh planetside ozone hit her, a burning filled her chest as her lung adjusted from ship air to real air. By the time she hit the ground, her dizziness and nausea had passed and all the was left was a bloodthirsty bitch looking or a fight. She hauled her M7 Avenger over he shoulder and cocked it, ready for anything.

Something floated nearby, a brown mass with tentacles hanging from it. Shepard roared and fired a shot into it, watching the mass explode. "The fuck was that?"

"Local plant life." Jenkins explained calmly, "We call them gas bags."

"They looked like trouble."

"They're completely harmless." Jenkins said matter-of-factly. "In fact, we use them for target practice a lot."

"Fuckin' right." Shepard said, "Hear that, Kai? Everybody shoots the fuckin' things. I just wanted to fit in with the popular kids."

Yes, ma'am." Kaiden said, smirking to her.

"Alright, enough fingers and foreplay, it's time to hatefuck this ass. Jenkins, you're on point. Kai, you're with me."

The trio moved forward across the terrain. Eden Prime was a beautiful place-or it would if there wasn't black smoke, craters, and structure fires littering the landscape. It was a real paradise turned into a shithole and Shepard hated to see something so decent get fucked over. She was itching to make someone pay for this.

As they approached a slope upward, a pair of small, purplish colored drones buzzed out of the foliage. Shepard saw them and immediately dove behind cover with Kai. However, the drones focused their rapid fire energy shots on a sole target: Jenkins. The first few shots were repelled but his shields, but they yielded under the sudden and relentless onslaught. Jenkins armor ripped to shreds as shot after shot tore into him. The soldier staggered backwards and fell down.

"MOTHERFUCKEEEEEERS!" Shepard screamed, sending a volley of violence from her Avenger. She tore the first drone apart while a Biotic power slammed into the other one, sending it spinning off into the distance to crash over a cliff.

"Jenkins!" Kaiden rushed forward, but Shepard knew when it was too late. She knew dead when she saw it and sadly Jenkins was gone. Kai looked up and shook his head, but Shepard shrugged. Kaiden closed his eyes for him. "Let's make sure he gets a proper burial when this is over."

"We live and we die, Kaiden." Shepard said, "I intend to leave this universe with a torn asshole when I go, so lets make it count while we're here. Now, since Jenkins went and died on us, I want your Biotic butt holding the rear while I take point."

Kaiden came up behind Shepard and grabbed a handful of her well-toned ass. Shepard yelped, not in surprise, but in approval. "Alright, Shep, I'm holding the rear."

"Get me worked up like that and we won't hold out till we can find a third party." Shepard chuckled. She let Kaiden grasp her butt for a moment and then took point, recalling that she had a job to do. So she marched up the hill, and were set upon by more drones.

Taking cover, Shepard pulled out her sniper rifle and took aim, blasting drones out of the sky while the familiar "_schwoop_!" of Kaiden's biotics went off behind her. All too soon, they cleared the drones off the sky and their pathway was clear.

As they approached the apex of the hill, they paused, watching the massive ship that hovered over Eden Prime's modest downtown sector. It hummed, sending shivers up their spines and goosebumps across their body as it began to lift up out of the way.

Shepard sneered, "That's right, buttfucker, you'd better run! Suck my dick!"

"Keep saying that, Commander, and you might end up stuck with one."

"I'd love that, but no time for fantasies now. Since the ship is gone, we'll have to hope they didn't get what they wanted."

"Shep, look!" Kaiden pointed and Shepard followed his gaze to see a pair of soldiers dashing down the hill towards a rock structure in the small valley. Chasing the armored soldiers were a pair of mechanical beings with a single shining lens and light where their face would normally be.

"The fuck?" Shep asked, her and Kaiden began racing down the hill.

The mechanical monstrosities opened fire and put down one of the soldiers, leaving one the soldier in white-and-red armor to fend for herself as she took refuge behind the rocks and caught her breath. She gasped, then looked over the rocks to aim.

Suddenly, one of the robots emerged around the side of the rock, its rifle aimed at her, emitting a whirl of clicks and mechanical sounds like a nest of angry hornets. She yelped, trying to swing her rifle around in time to defend herself, knowing it was futile. She knew she was dead...dead...dea-

"ITS CRIME TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS!" Shepard roared as she sailed into the robot with both knees first. She crashed to the ground and before the machine could recoup, she rammed her shotgun down into its chest plate and fired! It exploded underneath her, sending an orgy of fire, twisted metal, and electrical arcs upward around her. Shepard gasped with a start. In a moment of such awesome and violence, she had almost made herself orgasm, she loved it so much.

Looking around, she saw Kaiden had already taken down the second robot machine whatever it was. She climbed to her feet and found the female soldier sitting plumb on her ass, legs wide open, staring up at her. "Are you okay, or are you going to sit there showing me your cunt all day?"

The soldier accepted Shepard's hand and came to her feet, saluting. "Ma'am, thank you for saving me. I'd be dead if it weren't for you." She whipped off her helmet and revealed her handsome and well-toned face. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, reporting."

Shepard saluted her back, "Gunnery Chief Cuntface, I'm Commander Shepard. This is Kaiden, we're from the Alliance Fuck-You-Up Squad and we're gunning for whoever is wrecking our shit here on Eden Prime. Can you give us a report?"

Ashley's brow furrowed in confusion, clearly not used to seeing such behavior from fellow Alliance marines. She looked to Kaiden with a look that said, "Is she for real?"

"She's for real." Kaiden assured her, "Tell us what happened."

"Ma'am...I think they're Geth. They pinned us down five kliks back and slaughtered my whole platoon." Ashley said, tapping the exploded robot with her foot.

"Geth?" Shepard exclaimed, "Bullshit. Geth haven't been seen outside the Veil in two hundred years ever since they fucked up the Q's."

"Well, I'd say we have Geth now, Commander." Ashley said, "And they're swarming all over the dig site about a klik south."

"Ashley, any idea what they want there?" Kaiden asked, "It must be something for them to come out of the Veil and attack a human colony."

"It could have something to do with the Beacon."

Shepard's head snapped up, "What Beacon?"

"Ma'am, the dig site found a real working Prothean Beacon. It's priceless, as far as artifacts go, but I can't imagine why the Geth would want it."

"We're marines, Gunnery Chief Cumguzzler." Shepard said, "It's not our job to imagine what people want with shit, it's our job to make them dead and in spectacular fashion, if we can. As it turns out, we've got an opening for a third party here inside Fort Kickass and I think you'll fit the bill, if you're willing to play by my rules."

"I'll do anything you want, Ma'am."

Shepard smiled, a predatory grin that gave Ashley goosebumps, "Good. I'm gonna hold you to that promise. Now lead us to the dig site, Ass-I mean, Ash."

Ashley saluted and took point, taking Ashley and Kaiden towards a distant rocky slope as they kept watch for more Geth. As they traveled, Kaiden and Shepard kept close. Shepard's eyes were glued to Ashley.

"She's perfect, Kai." Shepard said as she swept her Avenger back and forth. "She's naive, rough, and got a hell of an ass on her. What do you think?"

"Think she's still reeling from the loss of her platoon and she just wants revenge." Kaiden answered.

"Good," Shepard replied, "Angry fucking is some of the best fucking. I think she looks like queen of the dykes with that big fuckin' jaw and her stupid fuckin' bun, but I bet I could get her to peel her armor right off and beg for it right here and now."

Kaiden chuckled, "Only you could, Shep. Only you could. If you say she's our Third, then I'm game. Get her on board and we'll have it out."

"Oooh, I'm getting tingles in my twat just thinking about it." Shepard said, giggling excitedly. "Come on, Kai, doesn't this shit get you off?"

"It certainly has made my life more interesting." Kaiden said with a boyish grin. His grin faded as he narrowed his eyes and spotted a group of Geth emerging from a structure. Ashley turned to issue a warning, but Shepard was already charging in, gun blazing. She hopped on top of the chest-high walls and leaped from wall to wall, firing down on the unsuspecting Geth like living death from and Ashley provided plenty of support, taking out Geth when and where they could, but it was easy to see the Commander didn't need or acknowledge their help.

Ashley turned to Kaiden and asked, "Is she always like this?"

"Every minute of every day." Kaiden answered, "The Commander is one-of-a-kind."

"No shit." Ashley gasped, "Does she have a death wish?"

"If she does, I don't think death is brave enough to call her on it."

Nihlus scoured the port past the dig site and weaved his way through the devastation of the tram station. He tipped around and edge and saw an imposing, yet familiar figure-a gray Turian-standing with his back to him. He leveled his pistol to be sure, but lowered it as recognition struck him.

"Saren?"

The tall, gray Turian turned around slowly, "Nihlus."

It was not a question or even a tone of surprise. If there was anything insidious in Saren's tone of voice, Nihlus didn't notice it. He simply walked past Saren, saying, "I didn't know you were here."

"The Counsel felt an extra hand was needed." Saren said, his eyes never leaving Nihlus or the back of his head that was suddenly presented to him. Like a big, ripe fruit ready for picking.

"I wasn't expecting to find Geth here."

"Oh, don't worry." Saren said, leveling his pistol at the back of Nihlus's head, "I've got everything under control."

"This is the dig site." Ashley said, stepping into the middle of the structure with Kaiden and Shepard on her heels. The three of them entered the site and looked around, seeing nothing. Shepard glanced around, "Where is it, Gunnery Chief Buttfucker?"

Ashley scanned the area and tossed her hands up in exasperation, "It's not here!"

"No fucking shit, you twat twizzler!"

Kaiden snickered, "Twat twizzler?"

"Fuck you, cock gobbler. They can't all be gems. So if the Beacon isn't here then where is it? Because if you don't find it fast, Gunnery Chief Shitstain, my foot will start looking for it in your ass."

"There's a chance the Beacon may be at the port. It was scheduled to be moved today, anyway. We just have to take a tram an hour to the port and see if its there."

"Tram, eh?" Shepard said slyly, "Takes an hour, you say?'

"Sometimes more." Ashley answered, "It's a long, slow, boring trip. We used to joke that you could have a weekend of shore leave taking the tram. Hell, the boys used to try and get me to strip down, have forty minutes of rough sex and ten minutes to smoke one before the tram was over."

"Ever take them up on it?" Shepard asked.

Ashley shrugged, "Well, don't think I didn't think about it. I figured if I did, I was just setting myself up for something worse down the road."

"Oh, you're setting yourself up, alright." Shepard muttered. Out loud, she said, "Let's head over the ridge and get to that fuckin' tram station. Hurry!"

"What's the rush?" Ashley asked.

"Er, gotta take a power dump soon. You know how it is, Ash. Morning coffee shits. Ah, there's the tram station and..." Shepard paused, growling under her breath, "And it's on fire. Fucking great."

"Uh...Shep." Kaiden said from a spire nearby, "you might wanna look at this."

Shepard and Ashley gathered with Kaiden underneath a tall spike, something Shepard had ignored up until then and she suddenly saw what had him so spooked. Human bodies were impaled on the twenty foot spikes. Shepard whistled low. "That is some fucked up shit right there. Who knew the Geth had a horror streak in them."

"Why would they do that?" Ashley asked.

"Look out!" Kaiden cried and leaped backwards as the spires lowered and retracted, leaving only gray humanoid forms with glowing blue traces extending through what was left of their bodies. As one, the forms-now no longer visibly human-turned their heads at the three Alliance marines and shrieked in an otherworldly warble that turned their blood cold.

"That is REALLY fucked up." Ashley repeated. "What they hell did those things do to those peop-SHIT! They're still alive!"

"Oh my God." Shepard said in a breathless whisper. "It's just what I've always wanted! To be turned loose into a zombie apocalypse! COME ON, KNOBSLOBBERS!" Shepard yanked out her shotgun and gunned the Husks down, charging towards the tram station with Ashley and Kaiden following. There was no pretense of military tactics anymore, it was all gone to shit three of them mowed down a host of Husks and remaining Geth soldiers.

Shepard took a knee on top of the hill to take out a pair of Geths standing next to a compressed gas canister. When she stomped on the last of the attackers, they set foot on the tram station and together approached a fallen body.

"Shep, that's Nihlus." Kaiden said.

"What killed him?" Ashley asked.

Shepard pulled the Turian's body up and the three of them looked through the gaping, fist-sized hole in his head. Shepard snickered, "What killed him? It was probably the heart attack he had when he found out he had a giant fucking hole in his head. This is getting more fucked up by the minute. Who could put a bullet in the back of a Spectre's head and get away with it?"

"Not a clue, boss." Kaiden said, "Unless he came across something that made him drop his guard."

"Somehow I doubt he found a Turian prostitute who was handing out free blowjobs in the middle of a Geth attack." Shepard said, lowering the Turian body back to the ground. "Goddamit, Nihlus was my fucking job reference. I was supposed to be up for the Spectres while he was watching me." She kicked the dead Turian in the stomach, "You fuckstick, that's what you get for going out on your own and not hanging back with Shepard and Squad Badass Awesome Motherfuckers."

"Is that really our squad name?" Ashleyasked.

Kaiden grinned and said, "If that's what she wants it to be named, sure."

Shepard snapped, "Yeah, but you're not up to our level, Gunnery Chief Dicklicker. Right now the only part you live up to in our squad is 'Ass' and "Fucker'."

A thump from the side of the tram station caught their attention brought all their weapons to bear. A man lifted his hands and cried, "Don't shoot me!"

"Get the your chickenshit ass out here so I can shoot the fuck outta you!" Shepard shouted.

The man edged his way past the boxes he was hiding behind and made his way towards them, "Are you with the Geth?"

"That's a stupid fucking question and I tend to shoot people that ask stupid fucking questions or give me stupid fucking answers, so you'd better have a good goddamn explanation when I ask you WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?!"

The man began sobbing, "It all happened so fast. The shooting...the fire...the screams."

Shepard walked up to the man and put her arm around him, hugging him tightly. "Hey, hey, now, it's okay. Listen, did you see what happened to our Turian friend here?"

"Yeah, but I don't know what...I mean, it's all so...I don't want to get in any trouble."

Shepard went 'ssssh', patting his head, "How about a deal? You tell us what happened to the Turian and I'll suck your dick."The man's head snapped up, "Whu-what?"

"What's wrong? Don't like girls sucking you off? Kaiden here will do it, he swings over the rainbow on occasion. He'll suck you dry."

It was a contest to see who was more uncomfortable in that moment: the man Shepard was asking or Ashley. The man tried to stutter a response, but Shepard clucked her tongue in annoyance and merely grabbed the fly of his pants, fumbling with them until she fished out his impressed, but with no less vigor than she would give anyone's dick, Shepard sucked his cock down, working it hard with her tongue while the sound of her slurping was set against the crackling fires of the tram station.

"She's fucking crazy!" Ashley hissed to Kaiden as her eyes scanned their environment, "We could be attacked at any minute."

"Take her away from her favorite toy and see if she doesn't kick your ass." Kaiden stated simply, "Just let Shepard be Shepard."

Ashley sighed in frustration and, along with Kaiden, mutely watched as Shepard blew their only witness to Nihlus's death. The man's face was contorted into a mask of fear, shame, and lust having Shepard sucking him off. He wasn't built for endurance, either, as two minutes into Shepard's efforts he grunted, his hands digging into her hair, and shooting his load into her mouth. Shepard wasn't happy, as she generally didn't like to swallow for people she wasn't familiar with, but she made the exception for him and hoped she wouldn't be catching another case of Galactic mange

The man, wobbly on his feet, shuddered in ecstatic silence as Shepard put his manhood back into his pants and stood back up, wiping her mouth. "Well?" She asked.

The man blinked and pointed to Nihlus's body, "Uh...he walked up to another Turian who was standing here. They talked for a moment and then...the other Turian shot him in the back of the head."

"Other Turian?" Kadien asked, "I thought this was a human colony. Usually don't see a lot of Turians on distant human colonies."

"We'll find out whats what." Shepard said, "In the meantime, the guy needs to find refuge while we hunt down whoever the fuck is responsible for this. Where's the tram?"

The man pointed to the loading dock behind them and the long walkway leading to it. Shepard shoved him away and urged them forward. As they approached the tram, a trio of missile-like objects struck the walkway ahead of them. The three Marines dove for cover as two Geth Soldiers and a Geth Juggernaut rose up and began firing at took out her Sniper Rifle and took out a Geth with a well placed headshot, splintering the things head into an unrecognizable mess. Kaiden trashed the second Geth with a slamming Biotic power, smashing the Geth in Juggernaut, however, was another matter.

All three marines unloaded on it, but their weapons did a minimum of damage, merely cracking its armor or putting an occasional hole here and there, but it strode forward with unstoppable lowered a cannon at Shepard, who was knocked aside just as the rocket it fired hit the ground in front of them. Ashley and Shepard flew backwards and landed together in a smoking heap.

Kaiden cried out and stood in front of the now charging it loomed over him, Kaiden held out his hand and _Lifted _the Geth Juggernaut into the air. It's feet flailed as its momentum carried it over his head and over the side of the railing, where it promptly fell down the side of the cliff the tram station was suspended and went crashing rushed over to Shepard and Ashley, seeing them lying together. Kaiden reached out and saw Shepard's eyes pop open. She smiled and winked at him, gesturing with a nod. Kaiden saw that she had a handful of Ashley's ass in her grip.

Kaiden shared a smirk and helped them both back up to their feet, where Ashley was shaking off the mental cobwebs. Together, Shepard and Kaiden helped Ashley hobble onto the tram and set the automatic ride into motion.

"That was too close." Ashley said, "Commander, are you alright?"

"Yeah. Thankfully a Gunnery Chief absorbed most of the impact. Nothing broken, not even my pride. How about you?"

"No worse for wear." Ashley said, looking down, "Shit, my armor got shredded by that rocket."

Shepard's eyes suddenly gleamed with a hungry look, "No fuckin' good now. Might as well ditch it. Busted armor is just going to slow you down. Leave the underarmor on, so you've got something, at least. Hell, that's what I'm doing." Shepard said, peeling off her busted chestplate.

Kaiden leaned back, watching and waiting. He knew Shepard well enough to know when to sit back and let her work her magic.

"Well, we've got an hour ride to the port." Ashley said, leaning back against a control panel. "Smoke em if ya got em. I tell ya, this has been one helluva morning, Commander."

"You've been through a lot, Ash." Shepard said, approaching her and pulling her armor off her belt and groin area. "But most people would collapse under the weight of this kind of attack-especially losing their platoon like that. But you survived and persevered, ready to kick ass and fuck someone's shit up. That's the kind of balls-to-the-wall attitude that more people in this universe need to have."

Ashley smiled in vain, "Thank you, Commander. That means a lot to me."

"You're a helluva woman, Ash. And anyone would be lucky to have you on their side."

"Thanks." Ashley replied, suddenly noticing that Shepard was inching closer to her.

"But I don't want you on my side." Shepard said, her tone low and full of intent.

Ashley's brow furrowed, "You don't?"

"No. I want you on your back with your legs in the air and my tongue in your pussy."

Ashley's eyes widened. She looked to Kaiden for help, but he was looking off into the distance, idly watching the scenery go by. She whipped back to Shepard, who had a hungry look in her eyes and quivering hands.

"Commander...I appreciate the advance, but I'm not into...you know, other girls."

"Yeah, that's what they all say." Shepard sighed, lifting her index and middle fingers and wiggling them with her tongue, "Five minutes with these babies will change your mind. Ash, I don't say this often, but you're the kind of woman that makes me WANT you and normally, I don't WANT someone, I just fuck them. I fuck them because I like it, because I'm a shameless fucking slut with an itchy trigger finger."

Shepard stepped up to Ash, her face inches from Ash's shaking face, "I got an itch I need scratched and I want you to help me scratch it. I want to taste you, feel you cum under my touch, bury my tongue as far inside you as I can with your sweetness running down my neck and over my tits and I want to hear you scream my name while I'm doing it. You fight hard and fuck harder and you'll conquer this galaxy with me."

Ash was pale, her eyes glued to Shepard's, not sure if she should fear the red-haired woman or what. Suddenly, she was in a place she didn't know how she got there or how to get out.

And Shepard's hands were now encircling her. One hand reaching around her waist, fingers softly grasping the well-toned flesh of Ashley's ass and the other hand circling behind Ashley's head, pulling her forward. Shepard put her lips to Ashley's ear and whispered to her. Kaiden watched, fascinated.

This was Shepard's true glory moment. He didn't know what to call it or if was worthy of a name at all, but certain people-the ones with the will to resist her or those who she truly wanted-she would speak directly into their ear.

It was different for every person, but it held the same message: it was a promise, a vow, a contract. It was many things, but however she worded it, it had the same effect as a Biotic spell. That person came under Shepard's power, so to speak. Something about her, the way she spoke, the way she ached and lusted and called for a person was undeniable. She had a strength of authority and gravitas that was impossible to resist and when she was finished, there was nothing that person wanted more than to be with her and serve under her. Ashley would follow Shepard into the mouth of hell, if she asked.

For the simpler, less intuitive mind, Shepard could just ask for a fuck and get it. But for the truly special, she didn't just want to fuck their body, she wanted the coupling to include their mind and-most importantly-their heart. Somehow, she worked her tentacles of willpower to wrangle their hearts. No matter her behavior, Kaiden couldn't help but love Shepard and all her tawdry ways.

But Shepard always wanted the sex first.

Ashley's eyes stared out wide, hearing Shepard's voice, feeling the undeniable draw of her words. Her ability to retort was as nothing against Shepard's compelling and when Shepard stopped speaking, her will was shattered and she was left with nothing but the vision of Shepard in front of her and the hungry lust for which Shepard was well known.

Shepard lunged, hungrily driving their mouths together. Ashley's eyes darted, torn up inside as Shepard's advance to her overrode her own mental sense of being until there was nothing in her but want and need for Shepard. Shepard would have her and Ashley didn't have the mental strength to do anything other than comply.

If Shepard were a politician, she could rule the entire galaxy, Ashley mused.

Shepard parted, a line of saliva strung between them. Shepard grabbed her cloth underarmor at her chest and ripped it apart in a single motion, letting Ashley's tits spill out into the open. They were a luscious set of large C-cups, with just the kind of hard nipples that Shepard loved to bite. Shepard grabbed her own underarmor and torn it open, letting her sweet tits out as well. She grabbed Ashley and smashed their tits together, kissing her again fiercely. Ashley returned as much of the kiss as she could, but it was clearly Shepard's game now and Ashley was her plaything.

Shepard groped Ashley's tits, tilting them up so that she could suckle on her nipples, an action that made Ashley moan and shudder, and that only enticed Shepard further. Her mouth full of tit, she came back upand tongued Ashley's mouth again as her hand drifted to the rip below Ashley's breasts.

With a sharp yank, she tore Ashley's underarmor down past the waist and open at the crotch.

Ten minutes was long enough for them to recover from Shepard's treasured Triple M (Mid-Mission Menege). Since their armor was shredded, having only Greaves, shoulder pads,and leg protectors and boots left after Shepard had destroyed their underarmor in the effort to get herself and Ashley as naked as possible, Shepard and Ashley were left with their tits, ass, and vaginas exposed and with no other armor left to claim. Only Ashley seemed to mind as she double-checked her weapon and complained that she felt naked.

"You _are _naked." Shepard pointed out as she herself sat against a bench, smoking her favorite brand of stogie. She only smoked when she won a victorious battle or she had just had an amazing sexual experience. It wasn't often she found someone so eager and willing and able to keep up with her appetite as Ashley and she was immediately fond of her. "Don't let this shit bother you, Ash. You know how many sparring contests I've won just by managing to strip my opponent or drop their pants. People are so pent up about themselves that they will let themselves be kicked in the head rather than fight with thier dicks or tits swaying in the breeze. Modesty is a strangely powerful weapon against a lot of humans and the sooner you kick your modesty to the side, the better a fighter you'll be."

Ashley sighed and shrugged, "Yes, Ma'am."

Shepard grinned and puffed on her stogie, "Good. Now the tram disembarks in a minute. Let's go see what kind of shit we have waiting for us."

SMACK!

Shepard gave Ashley's ass a firm spank with her hand.

Saren approached a Geth Hunter and said, "No interruptions while I'm activating the Beacon. Place the charges and set them as soon as we depart."

The tram approached the port, which seemed strangely still. Shepard purred happily as she felt the cool, planetside air rushing through her naked parts. Nothing beat having a battle with the efforts of your sex life drying on your body. All she needed was a little blood to really get her heart racing, but since Geth didn't have blood, she'd just have to hope a mercenary or pirate was lurking around. She felt her Avenger's warm metal frame brushing against her nipples, urging her itch back out into the open. Maybe they could score a quickie before the Normandy took them back.

The tram finally docked into place and the doors swung open to reveal a large bomb nestled safely against a wall right outside their point of arrival. The three of them stared wide-eyed at the bomb.

"Oh fuck!" Shepard said, "These guys aren't fucking around. Kaiden, I hope your bomb defusing skills are up to snuff."

"I'm no engineer, Shep, but I think I can handle this." Kaiden said, sliding down on his knees and bringing his Omni-Tool to life, scanning and disarming the bomb. As he worked, Shepard and Ashley looked around, seeing no immediate threat.

"Ahem...Er, Shepard?" Ashley said, "Thank you for this. I've never been allowed to pass upward in the ranks or join the elite ranks in the Alliance because of my Grandfather. He was the General who surrendered to the Turians on Shanxi and my military life has suffered because of it. It's an honor to serve with you. And...it was nice to be wanted, for a change. The boys usually think I'm too manly looking to want to fuck me."

Shepard smiled a genuine smile, "I am an exceptional judge of character, Ash. So long as you don't get jealous because of my over-indulgences, we can really go somewhere. I want you on the Normandy and I know me and Kaiden want you back in our bed. I couldn't turn down that sweet ass of yours again."Shepard gave Ashley's ass a pinch, "Give momma some sugar."

She pulled Ashley down and kissed her again, smelling the dry sweat on his face. Their hair was an unkempt disaster and their naked bodies were naturally out of place in a combat zone, but Shepard didn't give two shits. She had fought naked plenty of times before. Hell, she usually preferred it.

"Got it." Kaiden said, standing up and reading his Omni-tool, "Okay, so there's four more bombs on the port. They were linked together via wireless network to go off simultaneously. The network is disabled, so they won't try and go off all at once, but we have to disarm the other bombs one at a time. Oh, and we have five minutes to do that."

Shepard's jaw clenched over her stogie, biting it off as she snarled, "THEN GET THE FUCKING LEAD OUT, KAI! MOVE!"

Kaiden, Shepard, and Ashley marched over a bridge when bullets began striking near their location. They ducked and took cover under the solid railing. Shepard peered over the edge as they continued to come under fire. "More goddamn Geth! Get ready!"Shepard roared and unloaded her Avenger at the Geth, buying them time to break cover and dash across to take cover behind a concrete bunker right next to another bomb. Kaiden immediately set to work. Shepard and Ashley stood and began picking off Geth as they made their way towards them.

"This is fucking insane!" Ashley cried over their gunfire, "I'm fighting for my life against Geth with my tits hanging out and a wind blowing up my cooch!"

"I know!" Shepard cried back, "It's great, isn't it?!"

Shepard hurled a grenade and stuck it to the chestplate of a Geth Hunter, which paused to observe the small disk-like object on its chest for the one second it had before the grenade exploded, sending a shower of Geth parts flying into the pressed forward, using a leapfrog strategy to ease herself and Ashley ahead and clearing the path for Kaiden as he snuck down a ramp to disarm the third bomb.

Ashley tucked her Assault rifle back and began to shotgun her way through ranks of low level Geth Troopers and an occasional Hunter. Their camo was tricky, but Shepard could spot the shimmer their so-called camouflage initiated and was able to pick them off they approached the entrance to the port itself, a pair of Geth Juggernauts came crashing onto the port from out of the sky.

"That air delivery bullshit is getting real fuckin' old!" Shepard said. "Ash, head around the left flank, draw that asshole over the next bridge."

Ashley saluted and ran off, with Shepard watching her ass as she ran and smiling. Ashley fired potshots at one of the Juggernauts, getting it to fire at her, shooting rockets that sailed past her or exploded to her side. Fire, smoke, and heat rushed against her skin, but she dashed out of the way. The Juggernaut began charging, its feet stomping pits into the concrete to follow her. Ashley spun around and planted a foot into the ground as the Juggernaut was right on her, conducting a quick 180 and running in the opposite direction. The Juggernaut's mass made it tumble as it tried to stop and follow her, but it found itself standing just above a grenade planted by explosion ripped the bridge in half, sending the Juggernaut tumbling below as Ashley leaped and tumbled onto the concrete as the bridge collapsed from under her.

Shepard, meanwhile, had spent her efforts peppering the Juggernaut focused on her with shotgun slugs. The Juggernaut would halt for a moment and continue towards her, unphased by the weapon. The Juggernaut began charging her. Shepard grunted and began charging the Juggernaut.

Kaiden couldn't afford to look away while he was diffusing the last bomb. He heard a collision of metal and screams, the sound of electronic growling, bullets and rockets firing, and Shepard wailing like a banshee, grunting not unlike she did when she was having rough sex. But knowing her, there wasn't much difference between the two. Finally, all he could hear was Shepard's rhythmic grunting as the sound of a smashing noise followed every loud clicked the last programming piece into place and stood up, wiping his brow as he shut down his Omni-Tool.

Ashley came running up, her breasts flopping up and down as she did. "We got it?"

"Last one." Kaiden said, "Let's make sure Shepard's okay."

"Oh, she's fine." Ashley said with a wave of her hand. Kaiden followed her gesture and saw Shepard straddling the fallen form of the Geth Juggernaut, swinging her shotgun's butt into the demolished head of the Geth Juggernaut. Every smash she inflicted sent up a splash of hot black oil and machinery fluids that would splatter against her naked form, which was streaked with Geth "blood". She paused, chest heaving and streaked with black. Minor red cuts dotted her stomach, chest, breasts, and hands. She ran her fingers through her pussy lips and brought back to her lips, sucking the wetness and Ashley approached her.

"Good day, Shepard? Or the best?"

"One of the best, by far." Shepard answered, standing up and holstering her shotgun, retrieving her beloved Avenger. "Let's hit the Port."

The three of them breached the threshold onto the port and Ashley's finger came up, "There it is! The Beacon!"

"Gunnery Chief Master of the Obvious saves the day again." Shepard snarked as they began to descend the stairs onto the port.

Kaiden chuckled, "To be fair, Commander, you know Prothean Artifacts about as well as you know celibacy."

"It's ten feet tall and glowing green!" Shepard cried, "What the fuck else could it possibly be? A dildo for an Elcor?"

"No, those are smaller and have this weird tube-sock look to them." Ashley said. Shepard and Kaiden both paused and stared at her. Ashley swallowed and just cowered a little bit under their stares. Wordlessly, they turned around and descended the stairs.

Shepard paused, holding up her fists. "My nipples are getting hard."

"Yeah, no shit." Ashley said, "It's cold this time of year."

"No, you don't understand." Kaiden explained, "Her nipples only get hard when danger is nearby."

Ashley gaped at him, "You have GOT to be fucking kidding me."

At once, the three of them turned their heads when they heard a harsh, whisper-like hiss and a multitude of growls off to the side. They looked left and saw a small horde of Husks running for the stairs. Another noise made them swing their heads right to see a second horde rushing from the right.

Shepard double-checked and re-cocked her Avenger. "This is bad. Kai, I want Biotics as soon as the cooldown hits! Ashley, you shotgun these motherfuckers until your cunt falls off! I'll be..." Shepard suddenly whipped around, seeing a horde of Husks at the top of the stairs, rushing down on were trapped and surrounded on all sides.

"TIME TO ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT! RAAAAAH!" Shepard screamed, unloaded her fury through her M7 Avenger, spitting shell after shell into the rushing bodies of the Husks. The three of them stood back to back, Shepard firing above them, Ashley shotgunning Husks that rushed up the stairs or tried to climb over, and Kaiden popping off his service pistol as he fired Biotic chare after Biotic charge, mowing down five or six Husks at a time with a single Shepard's Avenger overheated, she swapped to her shotgun and mowed down two and three at a time, but the reload was a bitch and she simply grabbed the barrel and swung it into their heads, sending three and four at once careening over the edge of the stairs.

She caught one by the throat and held it as it snapped and lunged for her. She ground her teeth together, snarling right back as she pulled out her pistol and shoved it into the Husk's mouth. One pull, one exploding head, and Shepard was charging into the Husks, shoving fists into Husk skull and ramming her boot into , all at once, she was surrounded and the Husks were clawing and clamoring, their nails digging into her flesh, her body being pressed in on with a sudden rush of monsters ready to claw her apart. She roared in defiance as she fired rounds form her pistol, knowing no matter where she aimed, she would hit

_SCHWOOP_!

A flash of blue impacted in front of her and suddenly Shepard could see the sky again as the mass of twisted humanity was torn off her. Two remaining Husks looked up only to have their heads blown off. They collapsed on top of her, but she shoved them off and leaped up to her feet, looking and Ashley were standing there drenched in smoking Husk blood, their armors respectively torn to shit.

Ashley only had what remained of her greaves and boots on. Her tits and tummy were similar to Shepard's with multiple cuts and gashes. Kaiden looked much more masculine with his top armor hanging in shreds, his hard pecs and washboard stomach now exposed along with his left arm and right leg bared after the Husks had torn them them lie the bodies of Husks and parts of destroyed Husks piled knee high around them. Nothing else moved. Nothing dared to move.

Kaiden grinned as Shepard bounced down to them from her womb of dead Husks. "Good day, Shepard?"

"The best." Shepard spat, pulling out the stump that remain of her stogie and lighting it, "A day to remember. A day of Bitches and Bloodshed with my favorite man and my new favorite gal. We'll have to celebrate this evening. Something with candles, maybe. I'm feeling fuckin' freaky."

"Shit." Kaiden said, "Every time you feel freaky, my ass ends up paying the price. Last time, I couldn't sit in a chair for a week."

"Well, what can I say?" Shepard said, "I can't threaten to put my foot in your ass if I can't get my fist in there. Now come on, let's go check out this Prothean piece of shit."

Before they could approach it, Shepard holstered her weapons and said, "Hold on." Shepard ran to he far ends of the port.

Ashley watched as she went from locker to locker and up to small chests. "What is she doing?"

"She's looting." Kaiden said, "She does that."

Shepard came back and dumped an arm load of stuff at their feet: some weapons mods, Medi-gel, personal belongings, a few bits of armor and clothing. Shepard sighed in contentment, then saw Ashley's look of disapproval. "What? Don't give me that goddamn look, I'm fucking poor. My Commander's salary is shit!"

"Then why do you have it?" Ashley asked.

"Oh, the benefits are out-fucking-standing, but Elchor prostitutes on Thessia make more than I do, so you don't say shit, got it?"

Ashley stayed quiet, but merely nodded.

Finally, the three of them approached the Beacon, which glowed green and hummed with an otherworldly power. The closer they got, the more they seemed to feel an invisible barrier that dug nails into the back of their skull.

"It wasn't doing anything like that a the dig site." Ashley noted.

"Finally, you tell us something helpful." Shepard stated, "Looks like whoever was here turned it on and hauled ass. Well, at least the damn thing is still here."Shepard turned around and hit her communicator. "Captain, it's Shepard. We've got the fuckin' Prothean Christmas Tree at the port. Someone activated it, but it otherwise fine. Tell Joker to stop jacking off in my bridge and get the Normandy down here to pick us up."

As Shepard communicated with the Normandy, Ashley busied herself putting on a pair of jogging shorts and a shirt that was two sizes too small for her and had the words "I wish these were brains" written across the tits. In front of her, Kaiden was slowly approaching the Beacon, staring at it. It made his Biotics tingle something fierce and...it even seemed to whisper to him

Suddenly , the Beacon flashed and Kaiden lunged forward, held still with arms spread wide by a force he could neither identify nor fight. He couldn't even open his mouth to scream.

But Ashley saw him and cried, "KAIDEN!"

Shepard spun around and saw what was happening and her heart went cold. Ashley charged forward and came at Kaiden from the side. She delivered a dropkick to his chest that forced him out of the path of whatever was holding him, but as soon as she did, it took hold of Ashley and she was being strung forward towards the Beacon, her vision filling with green light and a hum that deafened her.

Suddenly, a pair of arms with an iron-like grip wrapped themselves around her waist and tossed her aside. Shepard opened her mouth to shout an obscenity, but her mouth was slammed shut as the Beacon loomed above her and grasped her in its power. Shepard resisted, but for once in her life, she was held in the grip of something far more powerful than herself-impossible as it was for her to believe. Her body stiffened and the Beacon pulled her into it's grip.

_In her mind's eye, Shepard saw a vision flooded with images, the sense of fear and foreboding. Her heart was full of a living nightmarish grip as things she didn't recognize, aliens she couldn't identify burned alive in cities and towns, she saw flesh rendered and blood spilled, but unlike most times when she would get a thrill out of such a thing, she was filled with more terror and fright than she had ever experienced. She was fearless in the face of certain death, so to be so full of unfamiliar notions was foreign to her. Nothing had ever made her afraid before, but this? This scared her._

Every sound and image rushed into her all at once and the Beacon exploded, sending Shepard flying backwards to crash into Ashley. Kaiden cried out for them and was at their side immediately.

"Shepard? Ashley? Oh God! NORMANDY! I NEED IMMEDIATE MEDICAL EVAC!"

Shepard's eyes drifted shut, but not before she slid her hand over Ashley's breast and squeezed it.


	4. Shepard's Shift

Chapter Four: Shepard's Shift

Time seemed to flutter back to Shepard like a wilting butterfly being scourged by a death metal fan tripping on acid. Or maybe Shepard just wanted some acid. Or Red Sand. Actually, both would really help out about now, because her head hurt like fuck and it was pissing her off. She knew she couldn't be aboard the Normandy, because Dr. Chakwas knew her and knew that a small shot of painkillers wouldn't do for her. She knew that Shepard wouldn't feel medicine unless it was enough to tranquilize a Krogan frat house.

The oh-so-delightful buzzing in her head faded as soon as light started to flood back into her vision and she saw the cold hard surface of the med-bay ceiling over her. Her back fucking hurt, which meant she was lying on med-bay's uncomfortable observation tables. Fucking Chakwas. Couldn't she at least put a blanket down for her first or something.

"Ugh." She muttered, lifting her head.

"Shepard!" The familiar dulcet tons of her old friend Dr. Chakwas filled her ears, making her entire head pound. The gray-haired physician was an old friend of Shepard's-usually treating her wounds after battle and after shore leave. Shore leave was usually considered worse, as Shepard would need more open wounds healed and several venereal diseases cured. If she didn't give Shepard enough birth control to keep a herd of elephants sterile, she'd likely be scraping her womb free of unwanted offspring.

Shepard sat up, only a white sheet covering her body, she stared at Chakwas, who observed her with the careful eye of a skilled doctor. Shepard had been touched by her hands in both the healing way and in the intimate way. Doc had really good fingers. VERY good fingers.

"Shepard? How do you feel?" She smacked her mouth.

"I need some water...and then I need some Asari pussy."

"Well, one of those will have to wait." Dr. Chakwas said, with a grin, "I'm all out of water."

Shepard smiled faintly, "Thanks, Doc I needed a good laugh."

"We all did, Shepard. You've been...well...not yourself."

Shepard leaned over and scratched her bare ass, letting out a fart as she did so. "I feel like the same lady I've always been. What's up? Last thing I remember is that fucking Prothean lava lamp blowing up in my face. Superior primordial race, my ass. How long have I been out?"

"You've been in and out for three days now." Dr. Chakwas said, her hand holding Shepard from standing. Shepard's bounteous breasts were on display, but the woman went topless so much she barely registered it and her lap was covered by the white sheet.

"Wow, the Prothean vibrator really did a number on me. Shore Leave on Omega isn't enough to put me out for three whole days. How come I don't recall anything before now?"

"I don't know." Dr. Chakwas said, a cautious tone in her voice, "But you've woken up several times and gone into a mad frenzy, attacking everyone in sight. You managed to pin a few people down and hate-fuck them for a moment before climaxing and falling back asleep."

"So, in other words, you're saying I had a normal day and I just don't remember it?" Shepard.

Chakwas shrugged, "More or less."

"Well, fuck it, then." Shepard said, "I'm gonna go get a drink and get back on duty. Make sure the crew isn't busy jerking off into each other's mouths or-"

Shepard suddenly felt Doc's hand on her chest, keeping her sitting."Shepard..." Chakwas started, her nervous tone putting Shepard on edge. "There's a little more to the story. The Beacon...changed you."

"The fuck it did." Shepard said, "I feel fine. I feel angry, horny, and ready to fuck someone up. I'm ready to shove a marine to the ground and suck the skin off him like sucking fried chicken skin off a bucket of the Colonel's best. Hell, just talking about it is making me horny like a motherfucker and right now, I could really use a nice big...uh..."

Shepard paused, her eyes naturally drifting downwards as she saw the highly unusual tent being pitched in her lap. A most unusual sight, given that she had no cock with which to pitch a tent to begin with. However, there was a hard tightness sensation coming from the cloth that she, strangely, could sense. She picked up a single finger and pressed it against the hardness, feeling it wiggle a tad bit under her touch.

"Uh..." Shepard was speechless, a rarity for her. "The fuck is this?"

Dr. Chakwas sighed, her fingers pressed against her lips. "That...is the change I was telling you about."Shepard took hold of the white sheet and tossed it aside carefully. There, standing tall, thick, and proud was a 9 inch dick standing erect in front of her. She gasped, her mouth dropping. She was as close as anyone could come to being a cock expert and this was certainly one for the books. It had a thick, purple head on it, a smooth shaft aside from a pair of veins, and ended in a pair of big, tight balls. Shepard looked up at Dr. Chakwas, her expression saying everything.

Dr. Chakwas shrugged, "I've never seen anything like it, but the Beacon must have done this to you."

Shepard swallowed, looking back at her new avatar. Her hand touched the tip, sending shivers of pleasure unlike anything she had ever felt shooting throughout her every nerve. She ran her fingers down it, savoring the sensation. Her hand caressed the tight sac at the base, then her fingers began pressing around in her familiar territory.

"Okay." Shepard said sternly, "This is fucking awesome...but where the fuck is my pussy?"

"This...thing...seems to form itself from your vagina." Chakwas said, "And don't worry, because it'll come back, or so I theorize."

"You'd better theorize quick or I'll stomp on your fucking tits with my boot." Shepard snapped.

"You woke up every day for four days. The first day, you had that penis. When you slumped back into unconsciousness, I attempted to examine it and observed it receding and your vaginal lips reforming. It's really fascinating. I've had the chance to watch it over four days and as best as I can tell, you seem to change sex every time you fall asleep."

"Change sex?" Shepard asked. "I don't feel at all like a guy. I mean, I still got my girls here." She patted her tits affectionately."

"Shepard, I'd be cautious with this. It may be permanent, it may be temporary. I have no idea how this affects your hormonal balances or your menstrual cycle, but so long I'm on the Normandy, you'll at least be close by and I can keep you under observation."

"Observe this." Shepard said, extending her middle finger, "We'll take this fuckin' ball and run with it now that its here. Who knew the Protheans were a bunch of asexual buttfuckers. Shit, I have GOT to try this goddamn thing out. Come on, Doc."

Dr. Chakwas blinked twice in pause, staring at Shepard. "Er...pardon?"Shepard sat back on her hands, gesturing to her half-erect cock with a nod. Chakwas looked back between the cock and Shepard's expectant, predatory smile before it finally sank in. Dr. Chakwas was brought back to the two or three dozen times she and Shepard had fucked over the was a sporadic relationship. She generally disapproved of Shepard's sexual appetite and antics-especially when she was stabbing her with 12 VD cures at once.

However, she was drawn to the young commander-as most people were. Shepard was gorgeous, confident, and irresistible when she wanted you. Chakwas had held out against Shepard's advances for longer than anyone Shepard had ever known. It was the one time that Shepard had enjoyed a game of "hard-to-get", working hard to earn Dr. Chakwas's admiration and then her had started with flirting, which led to advances, which led to a series or refusals, redirects, and attempts to disengage her personally.

But, in the end, Chakwas gave in to Shepard's advances and became her lover: the first and only female Chakwas had ever slept with-or was willing to entertain the notion to begin with. She was as heterosexual as one could be, but Shepard got what Shepard she had loved it. But then, she loved Shepard dearly-despite her rough edges. And there was no denying that the woman knew how to fuck. Dr. Chakwas thought that in another time and place, she and Shepard could have been a couple. Hell, thanks to Shepard, Dr. Chakwas was able to gather the courage pursue an Asari lover many years ago.

But those days were long gone and Dr. Chakwas and Shepard had not pursued a physical relationship in some time. Not since Shepard herself was in her early twenties, at least. Shepard, sex fiend that she was, had an innate ability to know when a true friend just didn't feel like a foot long dildo in the ass anymore and would respectfully keep her distance-sexually, speaking. Besides, there was always a tender, fresh face to fuck no matter where she went. Shepard wasn't starved for unfucked holes in this universe.

Chakwas sighed, looking at Shepard with a mixture of fear and resignation. "Shepard, I haven't done that sort of thing for quite some time. To be perfectly honest, I don't have the sexual appetite to keep up with you anymore."

"Doc, come ON!" Shepard cried, "I just got this fuckin' thing after years of wishing I could sample what it's like to fuck like the other half for once and you're giving me shit about not being horny? I don't need you to be in the mood, I need you to show me a hole and let me go to fucking town!"

"Shepard, you already sexually assaulted several Marines who were only running in here to help you when they thought you were in dire straits!" Dr. Chakwas cried, "Those men and women were traumatized! They'll never defecate like a a normal person again, thanks to you! The only reason they aren't being treated here in Med-Bay is because you're in here!"

"Yeah, that sounds like me." Shepard admitted, "But fuck it all! I've got a cock now and I wanna use it! I can't wait for shore leave. I wanna know how it feels to plug this motherfucker into a wet hole and you're the only person in sight."Shepard moaned as her hand stroked her new member, "Come on, Doc. Don't you remember the good times we had? That erotic week we spent in Chronus 7, blasting mercs and fucking like teenagers in-between the action?"

"That wasn't shore leave, Shepard! We were quarantined and under assault from a mercenary army. I thought I was going to die!"

Shepard leaped to her feet, approaching Dr. Chakwas, "And if I don't get something on the end of my new toy, I'm going to be the one who kills you. Just think of it as a visit with an old flame. Besides, I seem to recall you were always a little slow to warm up."

Dr. Chakwas felt her backside bump up against the patient bed. She cast a glance at it and when she looked back, Shepard was there. Their lips collided in a violent clash, Shepard's tongue digging its way into her mouth. She made a series of high-pitch muffled protest noises, but Shepard had been down this route before. Dr. Chakwas never pursued her own sexual desires and, as a result, it took a forceful hand from Shepard to bring it about.

And concerning a forceful hand, Dr. Chakwas felt the muscled hand of the Commander forcing its way into her pants and sliding around her panties, where her fingers began to snake their way into the folds of her pussy. It had been a long time, indeed, but the familiar rush of Shepard's touch brought it all back. Shepard brought her hand out and sucked on her fingers.

She held two of them up and said, "Hey, Doc. Take two of these and call me in the morning." She stuck them back into the good doctor's pants and promptly pressed them up into her pussy. Dr. Chakwas gasped, but Shepard took that opportunity to take her in another deep, wet kiss.A hot flush began to creep its way throughout the Doctor's body. One that had been gone for afar too long.

With the two fingers penetrating her sex and Shepard's passionate kiss, Dr. Karin Chakwas found herself growing well and truly horny for the first time in years. Her hands encircled Shepard, drawing her closer. A hard poke at her hip reminded her of just what Shepard truly wanted. Sh knew the only way to move on was to give Shepard what she wanted.

Her hands brushed the thick erection jutting from Shepard's hip. Shepard backed up and let her kiss linger on Dr. Chakwas's lips for a long moment before she looked down and gave the Doc the same expectant look.

"Suck me, Doc." She said. It was not a request, it was an order. Dr. Chakwas squatted, resting on the balls of her feet. Shepard's cock, genetic anomaly that it was, now resting in front of her. Dr. Chakwas took her gloves off and took hold of Shepard's member. As near as she could tell, it was he real deal: it looked real, felt real, hell it even smelled real.

Even in her former romantic pursuits, Dr. Chakwas was not one for much oral play. Her sexual preferences were very vanilla, bland-save for those times when Shepard was involved. But still...no true lady went without sucking a cock in their waited with barely contained giddiness. Her sexual appetite was a ravenous monster and she had explored every facet of it in her lifetime. She was not above experimenting to see if she could induce another erotic thrill.

The only thing that had ever eluded her was the daydreaming thought that she could experience sex the way a man did: thrusting with a hard cock and blasting a load of cum onto some hot young thing. But even having a sexual reassignment surgery wasn't going to replicate the exact feeling a man had to his natural grown cock. To say that this was a dream of hers was an anticipation was killing her, but finally Dr. Chakwas's soft lips closed around her thick head and slid down the contours of Shepard's new cock. Shepard's eyes disappeared into the back of her head as her cocked was sucked for the first time.

Shepard collapsed on top of Dr. Chakwas, both of them trying to recover from the intense sex Shepard had just inflicted on them on top of the medical table. The Doctor brought her arms up and held Shepard as a lover and a caretaker.

"Never knew…" Shepard gasped, "It could…feel so good."

"You've got a knack for the obvious." Dr. Chakwas said, "But next time, at least buy me a drink."

Shepard chuckled and patted Dr. Chakwas on the shoulder.

The door to the med bay opened and Shepard and Dr. Chakwas looked up to see Captain Anderson and Kaiden walking in. Anderson saw Shepard with her cock deep in Dr. Chakwas, cum leaking out onto the table and painting their hips white and didn't blink an eye.

"Enough bullshit, Shepard." Anderson said.

Shepard sighed and leapt off the table, walking up to Anderson and saluting as she stood naked, covered in her own cum, with her new 9 inch cock dangling in the cool breeze. Anderson saluted back and gave Shepard's new member a quick appraisal.

"Is that permanent?" He asked.

"According to my observation," Dr. Chakwas said, standing up on her now shaking legs, "Her genitals reassign every time she falls completely asleep. Tomorrow morning, she'll wake up with a vagina again and so forth."

"You must be thrilled." Anderson said with a sneer.

"Delighted, sir." Shepard replied, "It's the Asari maidens who are gonna be thrilled as soon as I get a three week shore leave pass. I'm due."

"Not this time, Shepard." Anderson said, "We've got a shitstorm brewing with the Counsel. But, first thing is first, how are you?"

Shepard smirked and grabbed a handful of her cock, "Better."

Anderson cocked an eyebrow, "Seriously."

"I'm fine, dad." Shepard sighed, tossing a smile to Kaiden, "Kai, you gorgeous motherfucker. How are you now?"

"You raped me." Kaiden grunted after clearing his throat.

"Kaiden was one of the marines you hate-fucked when you were delirious and in-and-out of consciousness." Dr. Chakwas explained.

Shepard shared a wordless glance with Kaiden, but gave him a wink, "Hey, not like you aren't used to it, right?"

Kaiden returned the smile, "Only you, Shep. Only you."

"Alright, enough fuckin' around." Shepard turned back to Anderson, "So what kind of bullshit fuckery are we dealing with now?"

"What happened down there?" Anderson asked, serious as a heart attack now.

Shepard shrugged as she began pulling a pair of clean service pants and a shirt on. "Intel fucked us over, Cap. We ran into Geth, zombies, bombs, dead Spectres, and a threesome on a railcar with Kaiden and a Gunnery Chief with a hot pussy. Where is she, anyway?"

"Gunnery Chief Williams has been brought on board the Normandy." Anderson said, "She's a fine officer and the crew likes her."

"Yeah, Shepard really likes her, too." Kaiden snickered.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." Anderson said, "But in all seriousness, we've got a load of trouble on our hands. Nihlus is dead, the Beacon is destroyed. And, worst of all, that witness you found said that the Turian who shot Nihlus is named Saren. Saren is a Spectre of the highest order. He's an unstoppable killing machine…and he hates humans."

"Well, fuck him, too." Shepard said, "I don't give a good goddamn who he is. Let's let the Counsel know about his buttfucking and they can send him off to the deepest, darkest prison in the galaxy."

"I'm all for it." Anderson said, "But we're gonna have to do some world-class ass kissing in order to get it done, Shepard. That means we need to talk to the Counsel and present our findings and NOT in the way that you normally present yourself."

"And that means we are going to my favorite home of high class whores, uptight politicians, and socialite sluts." Shepard grinned, "We're going to the Citadel: the seat of galactic power. The only place in the universe where can go and you get fucked and not have anything actually inserted into you."

Shepard smiled, "I do believe me and my little cock can get into some real trouble down there. Let's get after it. When do we arrive?"

Anderson turned around and began walking out, "We're about ready to dock."


	5. The Commander Shepard Guide to Politics

**The Red Renegade**

**Chapter Five: "The Commander Shepard Guide to Politics"**

The juggernaut of death and destruction hurtled through space, an amethyst nightmare upon all who beheld it. Inside it's depths, Saren Arterius, Spectre and now traitor, sat in deep contemplation with the blood of his fellow Spectre on his clawed hands. He was torn between his old loyalties and his news ones and the possibility that he was not alone in his misery.

There was another. He could _feel_ it.

Footsteps behind him brought him out of his demented thoughts and into the here and now. Behind him stood a thousand years of Asari heritage and knowledge encompassed in one blue-skinned woman with enormous tits on display. Calmly, with a thousand years of grace and poise, she approached him and stated: "We identified the vessel that touched down on Eden Prime. The Normandy. A human Alliance vessel."

A claw twitched in subdued rage.

She continued, "It was under the command of Captain Anderson."

Saren's eye's stared into nothing.

"They managed to save the colony."

All inconsequential, in the long run. They knew nothing, could solve nothing, were as insignificant as a speck of dust. But he was not a Spectre for nothing. "And the Beacon?"

A pause. Too long, he knew. The Asari matriarch finally spat it out, "One of the humans…may have used it."

Saren leaped up from his seat and roared an inarticulate howl. Saren's form, distorted and disfigured, stalked up to the Matriarch and grabbed the front of her black dress, tearing it to shreds in a single flick of his mechanical wrist.

He grabbed her head with his clawed hands and held her down as a ripping sound erupted from his groin. Like a monster breaking free from a prison, a thick, spiked black cock tore its way into the open like a nightmare come to life. Over a foot in length and shining black with a film of slime, its side was studded with thick black spikes around the shaft.

The Matriarch opened her mouth to scream, but Saren shoved the Nightmare Cock into her throat, fucking it with the fury of a Spectre scorned. It's spikes were not entirely solid, but they were not willing to bend and give easily and they scraped the side of her throat as he raped her throat.

Saren growled like a Varren prowling for food. If he derived pleasure from the experience, it was impossible to tell. He quickly grew tired of forcing her mouth on him and thrust her up against the wall, approaching from behind. She had enough time to stick her finely shaped ass out before he rammed his Nightmare Cock up her azure pussy in a single, pain-filled thrust. Had she not moved, it would have been shoved into her ass-an experience she only wanted to live through once.

The experience was worse than being gang-banged by Krogans in heat. The Black Nightmare was a biological torment and being fucked by it was a blood-soaked, teeth-grinding experience that was as pleasurable as having your teeth drilled without the benefit of pain killers. The Martiarch, unfortunately for her, had to live through this on a number of occasions.

There was no way to tell how long it lasted. Time seemed to be at a standstill when she had the Black Nightmare Cock inside her. Each thrust was a moment frozen in time of pain and screaming. She screamed hard and long, with every thrust until Saren threw his head back and roared.

Her womb filled-and quickly-with a thick black ichor that could loosely be called cum only in the sense that his Black Nightmare ejaculated it. Was it a sexual climax or something far more sinister? She didn't know. She knew only pain and black cum oozing from her destroyed vaginal area.

Saren withdrew from her, watching as her battered and bleeding form slid down to the floor, eyes openly staring into space as the Matriarch collapsed into a puddle of sweat, blood, and black cum. His Black Nightmare withdrew back into his body and, suddenly, once again he seemed to be only Turian in appearance.

Saren clicked his mandibles in thought and said, "This human must be eliminated."

The Asari Matriarch nodded once. Serving Saren came with sacrifices. But then, what had she left if not to serve him? Inside this ship, she wanted nothing more.

Shepard sighed, looking at herself in the mirror. Her sleek black N7 armor was a perfect compliment to her red hair and fair skin tone. She liked it. She never told anyone that-much as she loathed military command and lifestyle-that she had only joined the N7 program because their armor was fuckin' sweet.

Yeah, she was a badass bitch, but that didn't mean she couldn't accessorize.

The door to her apartment opened and in came her favorite gorgeous motherfucker with her new fucktoy Ashley in tow. Kaiden and Ashley approached Shepard in greeting.

"Hey, Shep."

"What's up, skipper?"

Shepard spun around, clad entirely in her armor save for her crotch piece, which was missing. Thus, her new nine-inch cock was hanging out in all its thick glory for them to see.

"Look at this shit!" she said, "I can't stuff this gargantuan prick in my armor. It's made for a cooch and I've got a kid's forearm for a cock-at least until I fall asleep again, if Dr. Chakwas is right."

"Skipper, I got a few pieces of extra armor in my locker." Ashley said, "I could fabricate a new piece for you."

"Or," Kaiden said, "You could just order a man's codpiece of N7 armor from Alliance Requisitions while we're on the Citadel."

"Yeah, I guess." Shepard sighed again, hands on her hips, "But hey…check this fucker out. Kai, I cannot wait to stick this inside you."

Kai cleared his throat uncomfortably. "You already have, Shep. I was one of the Marines who helped subdue you when you would wake up and go apeshit. You tore me open a couple of times and then went back to sleep. Actually, it wasn't all that different from our normal sessions together except that you drooled on me."

"Sorry," Shepard said, "I wasn't in full control of my mental facilities. But I am now and I'd like to get the two of you naked and see what else we can do that we didn't get to try on that tram on Eden Prime. Kai, I wanna feel my cock in your ass and then I wanna shove it up Ash's cunt until you both scream like banshees." Her hand stroked Kai's and Ash's cheeks while her other hand stroked her cock awake with the other.

Kai coughed and cleared his throat, "Sorry, Shep, but duty calls. We're literally coming out of the Mass Effect relay right now and we've got a full day ahead of us talking to politicians and the Counsel and whatnot. We really won't have time for this, so for now you're gonna have to take a rain check, okay?"

Shepard's brow furrowed in confusion. Kai rarely told her 'no', but he was telling her 'no' now.

"Uh, fuck that and fuck you." Shepard said, "On your knees."

Kaiden smiled, "Not this time, Shep. Busy day ahead and duty calls. Come on, you'll be okay, just put your old codpiece on and try not to think about fucking."

With that, Kai turned around and left Shepard there. She thought about just tackling him and ramming it up his ass, but she spun on Ashley, who wore the same cryptic grin.

"Well, since Kai is gonna shit on my parade, I guess I can stuff my cock between your tits, Gunnery Chief."

Ash smiled as Shepard's hands began pawing at her armor, but Ashley shrugged her off. "Sorry, Skipper. I promise I'll give up some ass later. Besides, you'll need to be thinking straight when you meet with the counsel to try and pin the Eden Prime disaster on Saren."

Shepard growled, her hands clawing at Ash's chest, "No! Gimmie them titties!"

Ashley deftly ducked out of Shepard's reach and into the elevator. Shepard howled in anger. Ash giggled, "Sorry, Skipper. I promise as much ass as you can fuck when we get done with the Counsel. Later Skips!" Ashley tossed a wink and a kiss to Shepard as the elevator closed.

Shepard scoffed in anger and whined, "But I wanna fuuuuck!"

Angry at the rebuke, Shepard affixed a shitty codpiece on after stuffing her dick into the side of her waist like a fleshy belt. It wouldn't work well if she got hard, so she kept thinking un-sexy thoughts: Elcor in bikinis and Turian assholes. (Seriously, a mutilated dead body was not nearly as gross as how Turians took a shit).

So, with her new balls bulging blue and no relief in sight-literally, everyone was at their station or hiding-she stormed up to the Bridge, where she found Joker at the helm. "Joker, I figured I'd find you here."

"I would hope so." Joker replied, "If I wasn't here then who would be piloting the damn ship?"

Shepard's mind went to thoughts most foul, "Put the auto-pilot on. I got an itch that needs scratching."

"Not this time, Commander." Joker said without missing a beat. "Much as I enjoyed our first tryst, I'm gonna have to respectfully refuse. I heard how you ravaged the butt holes of those other Marines during your four days of raping rage."

"I…uh…" Shepard coughed, "I tend to get cranky when I don't have my coffee."

"Plus," Joker added, "That enormous humdinger between your legs isn't a secret and, much as I like impaling you on my Captain's log, I don't care to be on the receiving end of a Shepard Pole Poke."

Shepard groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose, "What's a girl gotta do to get laid around here? Look, I promise not to buttfuck you if that's how you feel, but a quickie? Come on, at least let me lick it."

"Commander." The voice of Captain Anderson approached Shepard from behind.

Shepard gnashed her teeth together. Cock-blocked again. "Captain." she growled through gritted teeth.

Anderson, Kaiden, and Ashley all approached Shepard on the bridge and together, the five of them watched their approach to the Citadel as it loomed ahead of them in Citadel Space.

"Wow!" Ashley breathed, staring out the viewport. "It's enormous."

"Check out the Ascension." Kaiden said, pointing to the pride of the Fleet.

"That monster could take out any ship in the Alliance fleet." Ashley exclaimed.

Shepard moved up behind Ashley, pressing herself against Ashley's backside while her head stayed close to Ashley's head, "Be glad its on our side then." Shepard said softly. Her hands ran up Ashley's well-toned ass. Even with the armor in place, she could feel the supple flesh underneath. She culd slip her hands in the rim, lower the band, slip her cock into Ashley real quick and easy, it'd be so easy, so simple.

Ashley stiffened as she felt Shepard's hand slip into her armor, under the rim, around her waist, and up into Ashley's snatch. Her fingers fumbled for only a moment when Joker said, "Alright, everybody get seated in for docking. Sorry, it's standard procedure."

Ash wiggled herself out of Shepard's grasp before Shepard could go any further. She gave Shepard an apologetic shrug and winked, a silent promise for a later tryst. Shepard sneered and brought her fingers to her nose, inhaling Ashley's musk aroma. She licked her fingers, eager for the sweet taste of her flesh.

Later, she promised her. Later.

Later, though, she was no closer to satisfaction as she listened to Udina rant, "This is an outrage! The Turians would not sit by while a colony of theirs was attacked by Geth!"

The Turian Counselor chided, "Turians don't build colonies so close to the edge of controlled space, counselor."

"I demand reparations for this travesty!" Udina cried.

"We will discuss this when you present your evidence at the appointed hour." The Asari Counselor said. With that, the image of the Counsel faded just as Udina's office chair hurtled through the space where their images had floated and crashed into the wall behind it.

Everyone's head whipped around to see Shepard, hunched over after throwing the chair as she bellowed, "FUCK YOU, YOU BLUE BITCH!"

"Shepard, that was uncalled for." Anderson scolded, "You need to control yourself."

Shepard snarled, "I need a drink and a smoke and a hot fuck, is what I need. I don't need this political bullshit. Fuck Politics! And fuck you, Udina."

Udina bristled at this, but merely frowned, "I was one of the people who chose you for Spectre consideration. Watch your tongue, Shepard."

Shepard leaned forward on the desk, staring Udina in the eyes as she said, "I fucking hate you with the force of a thousand burning suns. I hate your smug sense of self-entitlement. I hate the way you think. I hate the way you talk. I hate your face, I hate your clothes, I hate the way you smell, the way you walk…Hell, I hate the way your beady fucking eyes look around the room like a fly looking for a pile of shit to land on If your mother was alive, I'd fuck her in the ass and send you the vid of it right after I posted it on the Extra-net. If being an asshole was a religion, they'd make you the Grand High Pope."

Shepard stabbed her finger at him, "One day, there will be a gathering. The assholes of this universe will come together. All of them: the liars, schemers, backstabbers, politicians, bullies, murderers, thieves, mercs, motherfuckers, cunts, bitches, pedophiles, cockmongers, dicklickers, assmunchers, ball-busters, butt-fuckers, strippers and prostitutes, Red Sand Whores, Varren fuckers, adulterers, deat-beat dads, news reporters…they'll all gather together in one place and they'll make statue of you crafted from the gold they stole out of their dead grandmother's teeth."

Shepard spat on the desk, "And it couldn't happen to a more deserving fuck-stick."

Udina's eyebrow lifted in surprise before her merely turned to Anderson and said, "I see you brought half your crew and none of their charm."

"Just the ground crew from Eden Prime." Anderson answered, "In case you had any questions."

"I have the reports." Udina snapped, "I assume they're accurate."

"They are." Anderson said.

"Then that will be all." Udina said, waving them off. "Be at the Counsel Chambers in an hour for the meeting and don't be late."

With that bit of unceremonious gesture, Shepard, Kaiden, and Ashley found themselves very much unwelcome in the diplomat's office. Anderson assured them if they needed him he would be with Udina and just like that they were cast out into the expanse of the Citadel.

"Well, that was a fucking waste of time." Shepard said, looking down the hallways, "Come on, you two. Let's find a deserted alleyway and make some fluids fly."

Kai crossed his arms, "Shep, we can't do that in the halls, there's cameras everywhere. C-Sec would be on us in a second and we'd miss our chance to nail Saren to the wall."

"Well, there's got to be a room where I can nail one of you against the wall." Shepard said.

Ashley laughed, but began walking off. "Come on, Skipper. I've never been to the Citadel, I wanna see the sights first. We'll get hot and heavy later. Clam down and relax a little."

Shepard watched in stunned disbelief as Ashley and Kai walked off without her, leaving her cock-blocked and rejected. She angrily stomped her foot on the ground and whined, "GODDAMMIT, WHY DOESN'T ANYONE WANNA FUCK ME?!"

Shepard marched through the Embassies on a warpath, storming directly towards the Counsel Chambers entrance with all the subtlety of a Krogan battalion in enemy territory. She brushed through throngs of people and shoved her way to the front of the line to access the elevator that would take them to the Chambers high up in the Citadel.

Together, Shepard, Kaiden, and Ashley got onto the elevator, watched the doors close, and waited patiently as the elevator went up.

And up.

And then up some more.

Still they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Kaiden, Shepard, and Ashley looked around uncomfortably, unsure of what to say or do.

Finally, Shepard cried out, "HOW SLOW CAN THIS MOTHERFUCKING ELEVATOR POSSIBLY GO?!"

"Easy, Shepard. Keep your cool." Kaiden said.

"Fuck you, you goddamn sister-fucker. You two have been cock blocking me all goddamn day and all I want to to bust my motherfuckin' nut as much as I can. I'm living the goddamn dream with this prick and all anyone can tell me is to give a shit about the fucking politicians. Fuck them and fuck you."

"We'll have to kiss their ass if we want to bust Saren for Eden Prime." Kaiden warned.

"Give me free range to hunt that shit-kicker across the universe and I guarantee you I will bring his head back with his severed cock sticking out like a cock tongue." Shepard sniffed, looking up and down, "GodDAMN this fucking elevator is slow as a motherfucker!"

Shepard waited another minute or two and then said, "Fuck this shit, if you two assholes won't gimmie a quickie, I'll do it myself."

Shepard pried off her codpiece with a quick jerk of her arm, slinging it across the elevator with a vengeance. Her cock swung free in the open. She propped herself up against the elevator and grabbed her member, stroking it roughly as she looked Kaiden and Ashley in the eyes, daring them to stop her.

"Wow." Ashley muttered, "She's got a big damn cock."

"Tell me about it." Kaiden said. "She's not gentle with it, either."

Shepard had, by now, worked herself a stiff erection that was standing tall and proud, aiming itself right at Shepard. She sat spread eagle against the wall and finally dipped her head down, taking her entire length down in a single stroke. She sucked herself off with the ease of an expert cocksucker and one who had practiced significantly on going down on herself. Her bulky armor seemed to be no impediment to her progress as her head bobbed up and down on her own dick.

Her vigor was nothing short of impressive. With every bob, her mouth sucked and slurped, a film of spit keeping her flesh rod wet as it plunged into her own mouth, sucking it down her throat.

Surreal, was the sensation that came to mind the most. She was used to swallowing dicks, was practically the unmitigated universal master of it. But she had never ahd the sensation of sucking one that was also hers. The combination of sensing this from both aspects was spinning around in her head and making her gray matter into a lust-filled mush.

The elevator continued its trek upward.

One hand reached down and cupped her balls in one hand, noting they felt akin to holding a pair of tennis balls in her hand clothed in a sack of flesh. That these fucking gimmicks were now part of her anatomy was almost enough hot creep her out, but they were a cum factory that kept the sticky good stuff flowing, so she wasn't going to complain.

The rush, the flood, of new sensations from her brand spanking new appendage was unfamiliar and Shepard, who was used to self-pleasure sessions that could drag on for an hour, found herself suddenly with a nice new hair trigger on her climax level. Within a few minutes of auto-sucking, she found out what others felt like when she put her master crosskicking skills to use and blew her load right into her mouth.

She grunted and her cheeks blew out full within two blasts. Quick as a snake, she was swallowing, her cock pumping out its sweet release almost as fast as she could swallow. The sheer volume was staggering, unequal to anything Shepard had ever experienced before. But never one to give up, she downed every last drop, knowing she couldn't afford to reach the end of the elevator with her face and hair covered in her own spunk.

She popped her softening prick out, swallowed the last drops, and stood up. Kaiden and Ashley had watched her in silence. Kaiden's eyes were wide with admiration and Ashley stood cross legged, as if she were trying to keep her pussy from leaping out of its own accord and engulfing Shepard's little friend.

Shepard sighed happily, smiling for the first time since they arrived. "That's much fuckin' better. You two assholes are gonna catch hell later, you know that, right?"

Kai just tossed Sheppard a silent salute while Ashley shrugged and handed Shepard her discarded codpiece.

The elevator continued its upward trek. Shepard groaned and said, "Fuckin' elevators. Hate em."

At the top of the elevator, the Alliance Trio shuffled out and into the massive hall where the Counsel did its business. Sweeping rows of cherry wood trees lent an air of quiet serenity to what was otherwise a hotbed of political dissent. At the entrance to the foyer area, Shepard, Kaiden, and Ashley came across a pair of Turians arguing in a heated debate-both C-sec officers, if their uniforms were any indicator.

Shepard wasn't paying attention, but when one of the Turians-a Captain-broke off and walked away, the other one turned and looked Shepard right in the eyes as she approached his general vicinity.

Shepard paused, taken back by his how his plates and colors struck the right tone with his black-and-blue C-Sec uniform. He held himself tall and proud, like a true commande would and when Shepard met his eyes, she felt a twitch in her chest-almost as though her heart skipped a beat. She was no expert judge of Turian looks, but when she saw him the only word that came to her mind was "handsome" Or, as handsome as a Turian could achieve to a human female.

"Commander Shepard." He said. It wasn't a question.

"My tawdry reputation precedes me." Shepard joked.

"Garrus Vakarian, C-sec. I'm the officer in charge of the investigation against Saren."

Shepard nodded, "Find anything?"

Garrus gave a short growl, "No. Saren's a Spectre, so everything he does is classified immediately. I can't find so much as a missed parking ticket against him."

Shepard snarled and pounded one fist into another, "Motherfucker!"

"I begged for more time, but my superiors took me off the case." Garrus said, "I'm sorry, there's nothing more I can do. Maybe the Counsel will listen to you."

Shepard scoffed and spat, "And maybe the Krogan will embrace peace and write poetry."

Garrus looked blankly at her, trying to decipher her words through his internal translator but he lifted his hand and pointed a finger at her, saying, "That was a joke."

"Goddamn right, Garrus."

Garrus chuckled, "Good one. Good luck, Shepard. You'll need it."

The Alliance trio passed Garrus and marched up the steps, meeting Anderson at the base of the last flight. He waved Shepard towards him, "The meeting's already started. Let's go!"

Shepard and Anderson approached Udina on the dais, where they were present before the Counsel. A hologram of Saren stood tall and imposing to one side, like a god looking down on insects who dared to question him.

Shepard stepped forward and stabbed her finger at him. "That's him! That's the motherfucker who killed Nihlus and tried to blow Eden Prime to fucking kingdom come."

"I resent these accusations!" Saren's mechanical voice bellowed. "Nihlus was a friend, a brother in arms."

"That's why he let his guard down!" Anderson cried, "And let you close enough to put a bullet in the back of the head."

"Anderson." Saren sneered, "Once again, you pop up when false accusations are flung against me. And this must be your protégé: Shepard."

"You goddamn fuckin' right I am." Shepard said, "If you weren't a fuckin' hologram, I'd fuck your shit up good, you cock sucking Varren fucker."

"Charming and eloquent." Saren sneered. "Are we done here?"

"What about the fuckin' eyewitness I found?" Shepard said.

"The words of a traumatized dockworker whom you also molested are hardly a credible source." The Salarian Counselor said.

"These accusations have little to no evidence in your favor." The Turian Counselor added.

Saren laughed, "And to think you wanted to join the Spectres."

"Fuck you, asshole!" Shepard said, her hands reaching for a weapon, but Anderson held her back.

"He has no right to say that." Udina said.

"Shepard's admission into the Spectres isn't the purpose of this meeting." The Asari Counselor said.

"What about Shepard's vision after she touched the Beacon?" Anderson asked.

"What is this?" Saren asked, "Dreams as evidence now?"

"I have a dream." Shepard said, "That one day I will put my foot up your scaly ass so far that I'll be able to wear you like a fuckin' stocking. I'll kick your fuckin' ass so hard your grandkids will be born with a mudhole in their goddamn assholes!"

Saren stared at the charming Shepard and then turned to the Counsel, "Are we done here?"

"We're done." The Turian Counselor said. "Udina, you and your people are dismissed."

"WHAT?" Shepard cried. "YOU SLACKJAWED NUTSUCKERS THINK WE"LL JUST WALK AWAY AND LET THIS GO?"

Shepard whipped her codpiece off and spun around, bending over and pulling her ass cheeks apart. "DISMISS THIS!"

Shepard grunted and shit onto the dais at the Counsel, splattering a turd onto the polished flooring where dignitaries from across the galaxy came to stand and speak to the Counsel. And Shepard had shit on it like a drunken frat boy who couldn't find the toilet in time.

The Counsel stared down at Shepard's display in disgust and watched her walk away bare-assed.

"She must work out." The Asari Counselor muttered, admiring Shepard's bouncing butt.

Once off the dias and down the stairs, Shepard re-fixed her codpiece back on and looked to Anderson. "Fuck those shit-eating cunts."

"It was a mistake having you there, Anderson." Udina said, "You and Saren have too much history. It influenced the Counsel against us."

"We'll have to take down Saren ourselves." Anderson said, "Shepard, think you're up for an investigation?"

"Fuck no." Shepard said.

Ashley jumped in, "Wait, what about that C-sec officer, Garrus? He seemed like he was close to having something on Saren. Why don't we ask him?"

"My contact in C-sec can help us find him." Udina said.

"Or you could just fucking ask C-sec." Shepard mocked, "All your so-called political power and you can't call a single fucking C-sec officer down for a pow-wow? I find this means of investigation to be an illogical waste of time."

Udina ignored her, "Meet my contact Harkin at a club down in the Wards. It's called Chora's Den."

"Harken's a drunk and a loser." Anderson commented.

"He has his uses." Udina said. "I have other business to attend to. Anderson, meet me in my office."

"Go!" Shepard snapped, "Nobody fucking likes you, you twat. You have no friends."

"Shepard." Udina said in a curt good-bye.

Shepard snarled, "I hope you die in a fire."

Anderson stepped in front of the trio. "Alright, you three. You've got your assignment. Meet that drunken loser Harken at Chora's Den and see if you can find anything out about Garrus and what he uncovered."

"Hopefully we can toss a little firefight and some wet pussy into the mix." Shepard grinned. "I love going to seedy dives. It's like living back in the wild fuckin' west. We'll get that shitstain Saren if it's the last thing we do, Captain."

Anderson nodded, "I know you will, Shepard. God help whoever crosses your path."

Shepard flashed her teeth in a primal, feral grin, "No sir. Whoever crossed MY path is certainly not in God's good graces. Come on, lackeys." Shepard led Kaiden and Ashley back to the elevator and shut the door, hitting the 'down' button.

Kaiden and Ashley watched as Shepard turned to them and whipped off her codpiece again, smiling widely. "We've got a long ride down in this fuckin' elevator. Get naked or get the fuck out."

Author's Note: Yes, I know that the Saren scene is out of order with the game, but oh well. Sorry for the lack of flappable material in this particular chapter, I had to get some story bits out of the way, though if you want you can fap to Saren…if that's your thing.


End file.
